A near decade reflection on my Germany Exchange...

 I look back on my past self and in some cases, I feel embarrassed but also sad.

Back then, I was struggling with a lot that I did not quite understand. In addition to me not understanding my issues, my host families and the people around me didn't understand either. I am now diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder/ADHD/Depression and have gone through a lot of therapy and taken medication. 

I am way more stable emotionally now, I am less impulsive and my thoughts are clearer. But I still get emotional, I still cry when I don't even know why. 

My exchange to Germany in 2015 was the most amazing experiences I have had, I don't regret it at all and I sometimes wish to go back. 

Looking back, it makes so much sense why I was feeling the way I was - what a huge change for someone to take on, whether they are a teenager or not. I wish I did take different actions to things. But I also wish others took different actions as well. 

Even though it was quick, I fell for someone then lost them within a month - not only did it make me feel foolish but I felt so alone and isolated for months after.

Even though I could have behaved better, I was constantly being shamed and bullied by people I mostly hung with in my town. For my physical appearance, my mental health and for my skills in speaking German. No matter what they would say now to explain it, it was not fair.

Even though I thought perhaps I have mental health issues, going on exchange and the environment around mental health was incredibly difficult to navigate and I faced a tonne of stigma. Sure, I did receive help and some kindness from the adults, but others around me were not kind. 

Additionally, going back into a high school was the worst idea - throwing myself back into gossip, harsh teachers and with the added "benefit" of a language barrier. 

My exchange made me who I am today and I am grateful for that - even when I felt traumatised by it. 

Let it go on record that society in 2015 had a tonne of stigma towards mental health issues and I am so glad that the stigma is decreasing over time. My exchange was so difficult and I wish I made different decisions when on it, but I am also respectful to my old self as I was tackling a time where I did not understand what I was feeling and going through. 

It was a mixture of cultures and languages where anything would be heightened, made extreme. I forever have respect for anyone who migrates to a new country, especially one without your mother tongue. 

Birthday!

On 20^th of October was also my birthday so when we arrived back from the tour on the 17^th, I was greeted by my new host family, the Dumschats and then I was visited by my mother and grandmother from Australia. We did many things during their week stay here. We went through Bad Oeynhausen, saw the Kaiser Wilhelm monument, went to Bremen just in time for the local carnival there, I went ice skating in Herford with my exchanger friends and that was so fun. We also had a dinner with my host parents the next night and it was in a restaurant that had delicious varieties of food. We also visited the black forest for a day. We spent three full days of just driving to the black forest, driving to the landmarks and then driving back so it was a bit exhausting, especially for my mother. If we were in Australia I would have driven for her a bit but I couldn’t here. 

Grandma, Mum and I at Minden Mittelandkanal

Host Family Birthday Dinner

At Schloss Bueckeburg Kueche

... I don't like photos

Deutschland Tour 2015

Vom 07.10 bis 17.10 gehe ich mit andere Austauschuelern in Distrikt 1900 ob Deutschland Tour. Hamburg. Berlin. Dresden. Muenchen. Rothenburg ob der Tauber. 53 Austauschueler, 1 Bus, 2 Rotarien und 4 Rotex.

From 07.10 to 17.10 I went on a Deutschland tour with the other exchange students in District 1900. Hamburg. Berlin. Dresden. Muenchen. Rothenburg ob der Tauber. 53 Exchange students, 1 Bus, 2 Rotarians and 4 Rotex members. 

A video was made by Helena Del Bianco from Brazil, you can see below. 

We started in Bielefeld on the 7^th October and then travelled first to Hamburg. We then went to Berlin, through Dresden then Muenchen in Bavarian Germany and then went to Rothenburg ob der Tauber. We made so many photos and I will share some with you in the powerpoint presentation J. My favourite places were Berlin, Muenchen and Rothenburg ob der Tauber. Berlin had so many historic things to see and I would like to go back to see more of the memorials and all. We were able to visit the Olympian Stadion in our free time and I thought it was so cool, it may be just a stadium but it was known as the vision of Hitler. The other exchanges and I spoke about how he was able to so much in such a short amount of time. We concluded that he was a very smart and influential man but sadly he used his abilities to cause destruction instead of promote world peace. Muenchen I found was really cool because it looked typical German everywhere to me. All of the old houses had flowers overhanging on the outside and it was such a beautiful city. We were able to meet up with other rotary exchanges in that district, it was cool to meet new people – my friends and I met a boy whose family was the second richest in France and he has his own castle and everything, it was crazy his family was almost royal. Rothenburg ob der Tauber was such a cute little city, we only had a night and day there but it was a nice way to finish the tour. I learnt on the tour that places that ended with burg are places that have a castle and was established in that location because of this castle. I thought that was also cool. 

Schloss Bueckeburg

I went to Schloss Bueckeburg with my temporary Host mum and my friend from America. It was an amazing experience and I plan to show my mum and grandma when they come. The palace is so heavily decorated and beautiful. It still has people living in the palace as well. I hope to go back there for the Christmas Markets as it is known to be quite beautiful.

My friend Tyler

My Host Mum, Me and Tyler

Tyler and I

AbenteuerZeit (AdventureTime)

My newbies and I went on an adventure to the Kaiser Wilhelm (The Minden Monument) on Thursday. The newbies are Tyler from the USA and May from Thailand.

We rode our bikes to Porta Westfalica and then hiked up the hill to get to the monument. It was so exhausting but refreshing as well - seeming that the way down gave us a fresh cool breeze.

On the way we saw a lake that we have decided to visit more often - maybe swim. We met a lady with a cute dog who spoke with us and showed us the way, listened to a guy on the bagpipes, ate sausage, Hanutas and Tim Tams. We all decided that Thursdays will now be a day where all of us meet up and go and ride around Minden and Bad Oeynhausen exploring places we have never seen and learning new things (also to get a bit of exercise in there).

We took so many selfies and I felt so happy being with them and doing this with them.

Change of Families (09.08)

So today I have changed families again, I am now with the Rademacher's. I don't really know what to think like I am upset because I really like my second family but I was also excited as it is a new family and lastly I feel sort of happy about it as it will make it easier on my old family. With the baby and the moving of house, of course an exchange student on top of that would be very stressful.

It is not normally planned for my exchange, I had to change for certain reasons mostly because it was too much for my old family. However I am really happy with this family. My host father is an absolute film nerd and we watched two movies that night. He has a whole library of movies, in blu ray and 3D, a great sound system and a projector.

My room is in the keller and to be honest I like it, I get my own bathroom which has a sauna and I can do a lot of things by myself like dance like crazy, pretending to act in a zombie apocalypse, paint and basically it is like my own sanctuary. It is good to have a sanctuary in places unfamiliar, places that are not necessarily your home. It helps me think and get reacquainted with my old self back in Australia, opposed to this new person I am living with in Germany.

I would say that I feel like I am a whole different person here, it is not necessarily bad nor good - it is just ... unique? special maybe? I can't quite pinpoint it.

However I am happy with my family: I have two brothers, one older and younger than me and they have a cute dog called Lena but she is a bit shy - I need to spend some time to gain more of her trust.

Baltic Sea (29.06-08.07)

My second host family and I went to the Baltic Sea for the rest of the holidays. It was so great I really enjoyed my time there. We did Stand-up Paddleboarding, Windsurfing, watched movies every night (most of them were in german), ate a lot of snickers ice cream, drank a lot of fritz kaffee and cola and admired the amazing sunsets that nature gave us every night (okay that was a bit corny but I thought it suit well).

I got to spend a lot of time with my host siblings also and I started to become good friends with my host sister and I was really happy about that. I was starting to feel very comfortable with my new family and I was always enjoying myself. Sometimes I would feel a bit ill to do some of the things and sometimes I would feel a bit off, but they were always understanding and gave me time to get into the day.

I enjoyed playing with Charlotte (my baby host sister) a lot and was starting to become very quaint with her. It was a really good holiday and it was fun to take photographs with my host brother.